Just+for+Fun!

A big corporation recently hired several cannibals. "You are all part of our team now" said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat other employees." The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads no. After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued, "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat someone important!"

The following short quiz consists of 4 questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a CEO. Scroll down for each answer. The questions are NOT that difficult. The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
 * 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?**

Open the refrigerator put in the elephant and close the refrigerator. Wrong Answer! Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
 * 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?**

Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. This tests your memory.
 * 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?**

OK, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.


 * 4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do** **you manage it?**

Correct Answer: You swim across. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of Executives they tested got all questions wrong. But many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively disproves the theory that most executives have the brains of a four year old.

** Keys For Business Success **

 * 1.** Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.


 * 2.** Use computers to look busy. Any time you use a computer, it looks like work to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, calculate your finances and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that everybody from the computer revolution expected but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss--and you will get caught--your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use the new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. You're not a loafer, you're a self-starter. Offer to show your boss what you learned. That will make your boss scurry away like a frightened salamander.


 * 3.** Messy desk. Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like you're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.


 * 4.** Voice mail. Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's the way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour. That way, you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. If you diligently employ the method of screening incoming calls and then returning calls when nobody is there, this will greatly increase the odds that they will give up or look for a solution that doesn't involve you.

The sweetest voice mail message you can ever hear is "Ignore my last message. I took care of it." If your voice mailbox has a limit on the number of messages it can hold, make sure you reach that limit frequently. One way to do that is to never erase any incoming messages. If that takes too long, send yourself a few messages. Your callers will hear a recorded message that says, "Sorry, this mailbox is full"--a sure sign that you are a hardworking employee in high demand.

The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.

"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."

The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for".

A boat docked in a tiny Greek island.

A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their Fish and asked how long it took them to catch.

"Not very long." they answered in unison.

"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient To meet their needs and those of their families.

"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take Siestas with our wives. In the afternoons we have a snack at the beach

Or go into the village to see our friends at the Kafenio, (cafe) Have a few drinks and play tavli. (backgammon)

In the evenings we go to a taverna play the bouzouki and sing a Few songs, maybe break a plate or two.

We have a full life."

The tourist interrupted,

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">"I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you!

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">You should start by fishing longer every day. <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">You can then sell the extra fish you catch. <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">" And after that?" <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">You can buy a second one and a third one <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">And so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers.

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">You can then negotiate directly with the processing plants <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">And maybe even open your own plant. <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">You can then leave this little village and move to Athens or even London!

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">"How long would that take?"

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">" And after that?"

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">" Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting, " <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">You can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">" After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Coast, <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">With your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">"With all due respect, that's exactly what we are doing now. <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?" <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Asked the Greek fishermen?

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">And the moral of this story is:

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Know where you're going in life.... <span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">You may already be there!

<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">Human Resource Management In Perspective:

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up...some down. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but a$$holes.